The Beast Within and the Gentle Touch 心中的野獸與溫柔

I had a dream where I, along with Emi (a client in real life), were part of an organization that took in orphans.

I prayed to the heavens, asking for a child, and the gods told me they would grant my wish. Before the wish came true, they showed me a picture.

The picture had some boxes, looking like an organizational chart. Emi and I were at the top of the chart, and below us were children, and then those children had their own children. The gods showed me this chart to reassure me that the organization would grow and expand.

Emi and I were sitting in a room when someone from the heavens asked me a question, seemingly about my childhood. I suddenly became enraged, feeling like an inner beast was about to break free.

At that moment, a Buddha appeared, gently pressed me down, and told me to calm down. The animals inside me that were about to break free suddenly became quiet and tamed.

Once I calmed down, the heavens told me they would send a pair of siblings to us for us to take care of.

Emi and I waited in the room, and sure enough, two children were brought to the organization.

These two children seemed to be orphans and reminded me of my real-life niece and nephew. They were a bit shy. Since Emi was stricter, I brought the children into a room, helped them settle in, and then took them to their classes.

At dinner, along with our supervisor, we held a small welcome party.

After the meal, the adults held a meeting to discuss various matters. I asked about a pink plush doll, wondering who was responsible for taking care of it.

It seemed like no one wanted to take care of the doll. Just as the supervisor was about to assign it to someone else, I volunteered and said I didn’t mind caring for it. I just wanted to make sure that if it was assigned to me, I would be the one to always look after it because I didn’t want to care for it temporarily and then have it reassigned to someone else.

The supervisor replied, “Why didn’t you say so earlier! It’s yours then.”

I held the doll and felt like it was my own child. I told the doll, “Alright, from now on, you’re with me!” It felt as though the doll had come to life because it hugged me tightly, as if it was happy to have found a home.

Regarding the two children, I asked Emi if she was responsible for supervising them. She said it should be her but wasn’t sure because the children were assigned to both her and another colleague, Cindy, so they might share the responsibility.

I knew Emi wanted to take care of the children, but since she lacked actual experience, she treated them more like adults, lacking the warmth and affection needed.

I went to check on the two children and saw that they were sleeping in a bunk bed, behaving very well. We all wanted to give them a sense of home. I told them, “I have a plush doll here, and you’re welcome to come play with me and the doll anytime.”

It felt like the world outside was chaotic, but the children were safer with us. I watched Emi carefully taking care of them.

夢見我跟惠美 (我現實生活中的客戶) 在一個組織裡，專門收容孤兒。

我跟天庭祈求我要小孩的願望，眾神說他們會答應我的請求。在願望實現之前，他們先給我看一張圖片。

這圖片上有一些方框，看起來像是組織圖。我跟惠美在組織圖最上面，接下來就是我們有小孩，小孩之後又有小孩。眾神給我看這組織圖，大概就是叫我放心，組織會擴充放大。

我和惠美坐在一個房間裡。天庭派人問了我一個好像是關於我小時候的問題，然後我就突然暴怒，感覺就像是我心裡面的野獸，就要衝出來。

這時候出現了一個佛，祂伸手按住我，叫我不要輕舉妄動。然後剛剛本來心裡那些要衝出來的動物，就突然安靜了下來，被馴服了。

天庭等我冷靜下來，跟我說他們會送一對姊弟到我們那邊，委託我們來照顧。

我和惠美在房間裡等，果然有人送來兩個小孩到組織這裡。

這兩個小孩好像是孤兒，有點像是我現實生活中的姪子姪女。他們有點害羞。因為惠美比較嚴格，我把小孩帶進房間，先幫他們安頓下來，再帶他們去上課。

晚上吃飯的時候，連同我們的主管，我們辦了一個小小的歡迎宴。

宴後我們大人開會討論事情。我問起有一個粉紅色絨布娃娃，我想知道它的責任歸屬，是誰要照顧這個布娃娃。

看來沒有人要照顧這個布娃娃。當主管正打算要分派出去給別人的時候，我主動說我不介意照顧它。我只是要確定如果將它分派給我，我就會一直照顧它。因為我不想照顧它一陣子以後，然後又重新分派給別人。

主管說：「早說嘛！那就分派給你。」

我抱著那個布娃娃，覺得它就像是我的小孩。我對娃娃說：「好啊！那以後你就跟著我囉！」感覺那個布娃娃有生命，因為它就抱著我，好像很開心，它找到了家。

關於那兩個小孩，我問惠美小孩是由她負責主管嗎？她說應該是，但又可能不是。因為小孩分派到她和另一位同事 Cindy 的課堂，所以可能會是由她跟 Cindy 共同照顧。

我知道惠美想要照顧小孩，但又沒有實際的經驗，所以對待小孩像大人一樣，少了那種溫柔愛心的感覺。

我去房間看那兩個小孩，他們睡在上下鋪，很乖。我們都想要給他們一種家的感覺。我跟他們說：「我這裡有個布娃娃，歡迎你們隨時來找我跟布娃娃玩。」

感覺外面的世界很不安，小孩來我們這裡比較安全。然後我就看著惠美，很用心地照顧他們。